This year’s list is very short, however, and I am all in on this one: beat breast cancer. Last year ended, literally, with a diagnosis on December 31. Not the kind of thing that puts you in the mood to celebrate on New Year’s Eve or makes you look forward to the new year. However, as I began the new year facing a long path of doctor’s appointments, tests, and treatment plans, I realized my experience provided a perfect illustration of how we become new. Really new. Not trying harder or improving or looking good on the outside, but new, and that has to be the heart and soul of any resolution we make.
So often though, I want to focus on externals or circumstances or even others. Many of my past resolutions were really nothing more than wishes--”lose weight,” “be nicer,”--wanting things to be different, but no commitment or plan to actually change. And while there is nothing wrong with personal goals, for things to change, for us to become new, we have to change from the inside (1 Samuel 16:7).
You see, my problem is me. Not my circumstances, not other people, not whatever challenges I face, but how my heart responds--and by nature, my heart is arrogant, proud, fearful, and rebellious. In order to become new, I need God to heal my heart, and the process is very similar to the steps necessary to achieve this year’s resolution.
Examine (Psalm 139:23-24)
The first step to healing is knowing there’s a problem, but looks and feelings can be deceiving. I lost 40 pounds in 2014 and started running in 2015. At 47, I look and feel healthier than I have in decades, but despite all appearances and my good “works,” a look inside me revealed a potentially deadly disease. In order to assess my spiritual health, I must prayerfully submit to an examination that measures the motivations of my heart against God’s word, and ask Him to show me what needs to change.
Diagnose (1 John 1:8)
No one wants to hear they have cancer, and it is equally unpleasant to confront the ugliness lurking in my heart. However, I have to be brave enough to confront the diagnosis to move forward. To deny or avoid the truth puts me in jeopardy.
Respond (Hebrews 6:18-19, Job 19:25)
It’s important, however, not to linger on the diagnosis. The first two doctors I talked with (one who told me it was “most likely cancer” and another who had the unfortunate duty of telling me it was definitely cancer) could only tell me there was something seriously wrong with me. The optimist in me kept asking questions, desperately looking for hope, but each question was met with a shrug and non-committal answer. I don’t want to pick on these physicians, who were only doing their (difficult) jobs (especially since I’m still working on that whole “be nicer” thing), but my encounters with them left me depressed, disheartened, and angry. If I spend too much time dwelling on my sin, I get the same result.
Thankfully, after my diagnosis, I was introduced to a nurse who serves as a patient navigator at the hospital. She still couldn’t tell me a lot of details about my disease, but her focus was on connecting me with the doctors who could do something about it. In other words, she couldn’t fix my problem, but she was going to connect me to someone who could right away. As Christians, we are never expected to know all the answers, only to turn to the God of hope who is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).
Surrender (Psalm 39:4-7)
Thankfully, my prognosis is good, but the shock of being diagnosed with cancer forced me to come to terms with the reality that my life is not my own, and surrender any illusions that I am in control. And while I’m thankful my doctors are talking “cure,” I am completely dependent on them to get there. The road ahead is unknown and, frankly, a little scary, but I have to submit to the treatments they prescribe if I am to have any hope of healing. I am able to do this because I trust my doctors; how much more hope we have as Christians as we submit ourselves to the Great Physician who is more than able to heal all our iniquities.
Persevere (Philippians 3:12-14)
As of this writing, I have completed three of six rounds of chemo and will have surgery and radiation in the summer. While it has not been unbearable, it has been unpleasant enough that if quitting were an option, I would. I can’t though, and the same is true as I pursue holiness. As I reflect on the times I have experienced real change, the key was continuing on, even in the midst of adversity and failure. When our focus is on our mistakes and difficulties, we will be tempted to quit, but God never quits. We also must guard against making excuses, because as long as we excuse, we won't change. The beautiful thing about grace though is that it frees us from excuses. God, who knows us and has already forgiven us, has no need of them. He is always pressing ahead, working toward the cure, and we should do the same.
Pray (Hebrews 4:16)
Our need is great, but our God is greater, and the redeemed are free to approach the throne of the sovereign God with boldness. He welcomes our petitions, but we cannot come into His presence without reflecting on His greatness and power and remembering His provision in the past. Worldly wisdom may contend that God has abandoned us in our times of distress. On the contrary, when I have nothing to bring but pain and praise, I come before Him without pretense or distractions, and I find my prayers have a depth and intimacy that is difficult to duplicate when things are going my way. I have cried my share of tears since diagnosis, but most of them have been tears of worship and awe as I am reminded that the God of the universe has taken up my cause.
Wield the Weapon of God's Word (Ephesians 6:17)
Our enemy will prey on our weaknesses to distract and discourage us. God’s Word is one of the best weapons to counter this attack, but to wield it well, we must read it, meditate on it, and memorize it. A few years ago, I wrote a post about struggling to memorize scripture, but since my diagnosis, I have literally surrounded myself with it, using bathtub crayons to write selected verses on my shower walls. I have gone from reciting them through sobs to proclaiming them like a warrior daughter of the King (most of the time). I have also managed to memorize them, relying on them to get me through times of anxiety and fear.
Share (2 Corinthians 1:3-11)
One of the first things I did after sharing my diagnosis was begin a list of breast cancer survivors. As I shared my story, others shared with me, and the list continues to grow. All the stories (even those of sisters who eventually succumbed to the disease) are encouraging because they help me remember I am not alone and that there is hope. As believers, we need to be transparent enough to share our struggles with one another and tell of God’s faithfulness and redemption in the midst of our troubles and mistakes. It’s all His story, and we glorify Him and build one another up when we tell it.
Spread Hope to a Hurting World (1 Peter 3:15)
Our world is sick with sin. It is the great cancer, and it is terminal. Man’s refusal to honor Christ as King is what causes the disease, anguish, and chaos in the world. Only a fool would deny the problems, but if we simply join the chorus of those lamenting the state of humanity, we mirror my encounter with the first two doctors who could only tell me there was something terribly wrong with me and left me frustrated, discouraged, and afraid.
As Christians, we are uniquely equipped to point those who are struggling under the weight of sin to the One who can relieve their burden. However, it takes compassion and humility to effectively communicate this message. Both sickness and sin can make us uncomfortable, even angry. Could it be that they remind us of our own vulnerability and propensity to sin? Most of us are not callous enough to respond to physical ailments with outward anger and disgust, but how often do we approach sin with such an attitude of self-righteousness? Such a prideful response is never effective. The better approach begins with love and a willingness to be transparent enough to share our struggles and failures and how God redeemed them for His glory.
The world will remain sick until every knee bows and every tongue confesses that Christ is Lord. As children of the King, we are to be about the Father's business: bringing about His Kingdom by pointing others to a real hope for this world and the next.
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