My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine."
You will probably only recognize the verse above if you're a "hymns person" (spoiler alert: I am a "hymns person"), but it's from one of my favorites: "How Firm a Foundation." It was especially comforting to me when I was dealing with cancer, and when things got particularly rough, I would sing through that particular verse, and jokingly tell myself, "you are going to be so shiny after this!"
That is, when I had the energy and clarity to joke. There was no part of cancer that was fun, and everybody's experience is different, but the severe and incessant nausea with the last two rounds of chemo were the worst for me. I will spare you the details, but just imagine several consecutive days of the worst stomach virus you've ever had...times ten...or a hundred...I don't know, I'm bad at math. Anyway, it was enough that I couldn't keep anything down--not a bite of food, not a sip of water, not even the medication my doctor prescribed to counter the nausea. While I don't recommend it, I even tried not eating or drinking anything for days at a time, but that didn't help either.
Those experiences, compounded with the other side effects of chemo, left my body weak and shaky, my brain foggy, and my outlook bleak. In short, I was completely drained--physically, emotionally, and mentally. A few days after coming home from my second hospital stay however, I gratefully noted the gradual signs of recovery--and when you have felt your worst, feeling even a little bit better feels great!
In response, I began a prayer of thanksgiving for each little sign of improvement.
"Thank you, God, for strengthening my body. Thank you that my mind can find the words to praise you. Thank you that my appetite is coming back. Thank you that I am able to get out of bed. Thank you for restoring me emotionally..."
As I ticked through all the parts of me that had suffered through chemo, I suddenly realized there was one part of me that did not need healing: my soul. In spite of all the suffering, fear, and despair I experienced in my temporal being, my soul had remained untouched (Isaiah 43:2).
My prayer ended with tears of thankfulness and joy that the part of me that lasts, the part of me that will be with Him forever, the part of me that's really me--that part of me had not been hurt by the fiery trial of cancer or chemo. It could not be because that part of me, my real life, is hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3) even as it waits for His return and the promise of an incorruptible body (Colossians 3:4).
While I have sung "How Firm a Foundation" countless times and given an intellectual nod to the truth expressed in its lyrics, sometimes we have to walk through "fire" to understand how truly secure we are in Him. Our frail human bodies are vulnerable to the flames of this world, but the souls of those who are in Christ cannot be burned. They belong forever to the One who purchased them at the great price of His own blood, and, as the hymn writer reminds us, He will never forsake His own.
"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with Him in glory." -Colossians 3:3-4
Those experiences, compounded with the other side effects of chemo, left my body weak and shaky, my brain foggy, and my outlook bleak. In short, I was completely drained--physically, emotionally, and mentally. A few days after coming home from my second hospital stay however, I gratefully noted the gradual signs of recovery--and when you have felt your worst, feeling even a little bit better feels great!
In response, I began a prayer of thanksgiving for each little sign of improvement.
"Thank you, God, for strengthening my body. Thank you that my mind can find the words to praise you. Thank you that my appetite is coming back. Thank you that I am able to get out of bed. Thank you for restoring me emotionally..."
As I ticked through all the parts of me that had suffered through chemo, I suddenly realized there was one part of me that did not need healing: my soul. In spite of all the suffering, fear, and despair I experienced in my temporal being, my soul had remained untouched (Isaiah 43:2).
My prayer ended with tears of thankfulness and joy that the part of me that lasts, the part of me that will be with Him forever, the part of me that's really me--that part of me had not been hurt by the fiery trial of cancer or chemo. It could not be because that part of me, my real life, is hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3) even as it waits for His return and the promise of an incorruptible body (Colossians 3:4).
While I have sung "How Firm a Foundation" countless times and given an intellectual nod to the truth expressed in its lyrics, sometimes we have to walk through "fire" to understand how truly secure we are in Him. Our frail human bodies are vulnerable to the flames of this world, but the souls of those who are in Christ cannot be burned. They belong forever to the One who purchased them at the great price of His own blood, and, as the hymn writer reminds us, He will never forsake His own.
"The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."
"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with Him in glory." -Colossians 3:3-4
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