The Color of My Heart

I have a confession to make: I color my hair [cue the collective gasp].

Seriously, as much as I'd like everyone to believe my natural hair color is Sunflower Princess, I'm sure that anyone who bothers to look closely can tell it's something else entirely. Even with diligent touch-ups, it's only a matter of weeks before my dishwater blonde roots betray my "secret."

I've been coloring my hair for over 20 years (more than 25 if you count Sun In and that terrible mishap that turned my hair a lovely shade of cheese popcorn). That works out to around 210 bottles of hair color…and counting. No matter how many times I cover up what naturally sprouts from my head, it still grows back in the same old color because I can't change the roots.

God could, of course, if He wanted to. But He's not concerned with the color of my hair; He's concerned with the color of my heart, and there are parts of it that are darker than dishwater blonde.

I know, because I spend a lot of time trying to cover up or fix the things that stem from my sinful heart. Things like impatience, irritability, indifference, and unkindness. I never intend to display such unbecoming behavior. I just get angry or annoyed or stressed, and before I know it, I've lost my temper or said things I regret.

As long as I approach my ugly actions the same way I approach my ugly hair color, there is no hope for lasting change. Those unflattering tendencies are merely the natural outgrowths of pride, arrogance, self-centeredness, envy, and fear. Until I am honest about the ugly roots of my behavior and humbly ask the Holy Spirit to makeover my heart, I will continue the cycle of react, regret, repent, and repeat.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24