I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I never really "got" Lent. I know there are a lot of variations in the way it is observed, and this little post is in no way meant to be a commentary on what you do or don't do during Lent. Mostly, I think it will illustrate how badly I've missed the point all these years, but I figure I can't be the only one who appreciates a good "a-ha!" moment.
I have never given up anything for Lent, and I have traditionally exempted myself on the basis of one or both of these arguments: 1) it seems legalistic, 2) somehow, giving up Pinterest or chocolate or some other inconsequential thing for a few weeks seems like a terribly inadequate gesture in light of what Christ did for me. (Note that I didn't say they were good arguments).
And so it was sheer coincidence that I happened to swear off my favorite snack shortly before Lent this year.
Back in the 80's Frito-Lay challenged consumers to eat just one potato chip, and if you can do that, good for you. Eat your chip, and hand over the bag. Just kidding. I don't really eat whole bags of potato chips. Well, not very often, and definitely not since I've started tracking calories. Now, when I have potato chips with a meal, I dutifully weigh out a serving and record it. At some point, however, I decided I could indulge in five potato chips, and it wouldn't even count. Five doesn't even qualify as a snack. Five is "tasting," a post-fruit palate cleanser, a pre-run mini-carb boost. No big deal, right? The thing is, when I eat five harmless potato chips four or five or six times a day over several days, it starts to add up.
Eventually, I started feeling convicted. Not that potato chips are inherently bad. I just started to wonder if I was being mastered by those crunchy little gems of salty deliciousness. And then, one day, in mid-crunch, in the midst of assuring myself that I was definitely not a slave to potato chips, I found myself emphatically thinking (praying?), "pfffft...I can stop anytime I want." And the challenge that echoed back to me was, "so stop it, then."
Note to self: stop saying cocky prayers.
But there it was. No more between-meal chips. Not even if I measured and recorded every single bite. If it wasn't part of lunch or dinner (or, I suppose, breakfast?), no chips for me. Like many things, it wasn't easy, but it was pretty simple. It was just a matter of saying "no" to myself...over and over and over again.
Oddly enough, the absence of potato chips was not the difficult part. Munching at the pantry door was such a mindless activity, I'm not sure I really even enjoyed it. What was difficult was the wrestling with the flesh, the angst and anxiety associated with denying myself something was more difficult than actually being denied. It was not the thing, but the wanting of the thing.
And so it turns out I don't really have a chip problem--I have a me problem. My default setting is self wants, self gets. The process of deliberately saying "no" to something made me realize just how easily and often I say "yes." Mindlessly. Blindly. Unquestioningly. Denying myself felt unusual and uncomfortable, and it made me question how I often I deny myself anything.
Interestingly, the more I practiced saying "no" to my chip-craving self, the easier it got. The "I want" part of me gradually learned it was not going to win this particular battle and reluctantly backed off--or at least stopped whining so much. At the same time, I realized my world would not implode if I didn't get the immediate gratification I was seeking, which made each successive "no" easier. I wonder if the inverse is also true: do I embolden the "I want" voice by routinely giving in to it, and am I more likely to cave to its irrational demands when I indulge it without question?
Granted, giving up between-meal chip munching is pretty insignificant, but focusing on the paltry "sacrifice" is legalism--as if anything I could ever do could repay my enormous debt. No, the One who gave all for me simply asks that I trust Him enough to offer up myself. All that He calls me to do begins with getting "self" out of the way first and quelling the voice that says, "I will have what I want." And while it will take a lot more than giving up my favorite snack to quiet that voice completely, I think I may have stumbled upon the missing link in Lent for me.
"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'" -Matthew 16:24
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